Why You Are Searching This Right Now
If you typed something like "is my online boyfriend a scammer" or "is my online girlfriend real" into Google, you are already listening to an instinct that is trying to protect you. That instinct is worth paying attention to.
Romance scams are not rare. According to the Federal Trade Commission, nearly 70,000 Americans reported romance scams in 2022, with reported losses exceeding $1.3 billion. The real numbers are almost certainly higher because many victims never report due to embarrassment (FTC Consumer Sentinel Network, 2023). Victims are not foolish. Professional scammers are trained manipulators who exploit basic human needs for connection, love, and companionship.
This article is written for anyone, regardless of age or gender, who has met a boyfriend, girlfriend, or romantic partner online and wants to know if that person is genuine. The 15 signs below are drawn from FTC complaint data, FBI case files, and documented scam patterns.
15 Signs Your Online Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is a Scammer
1. Your online boyfriend or girlfriend said "I love you" within the first few weeks
Real love takes time. Scammers do not have time. They are running the same script on multiple victims and need to establish emotional control quickly. If your online boyfriend told you he was falling in love after a week of messaging, or your online girlfriend said you were her soulmate before you had ever spoken on the phone, this is a manipulation tactic called love-bombing. The FTC identifies premature declarations of love as one of the top indicators in romance fraud complaints.
2. They refuse to do a live video call
This is the single most reliable test. If your online boyfriend always has a broken camera, or your online girlfriend says her internet is too slow for video, ask yourself: in 2026, when every smartphone has a front-facing camera and free video calling apps are everywhere, what legitimate reason is there to never appear on video? The answer in nearly every documented scam case is that the person does not look like their photos. They may be a different gender, a different age, or part of a scam team operating from a call center.
What to do: Request a video call at a time you choose, lasting at least 10 minutes. Ask them to turn their head to show a profile view and hold up a specific number of fingers. If they refuse or make excuses, treat it as confirmation that something is wrong.
3. Their photos look like they belong in a magazine
If every photo your online boyfriend sends looks like a GQ cover shoot, or every picture of your online girlfriend looks like professional modeling, the images are likely stolen. Scammers steal photos from models, influencers, and ordinary attractive people on social media. A real person has a mix of polished and casual, flattering and unflattering photos.
What to do: Save one of their photos and upload it to Google Images or TinEye for a reverse image search. If the same face appears under different names on different websites, the photos are stolen.
4. Your online boyfriend claims to be in the military, or your online girlfriend says she works overseas
The most common cover stories in romance scams involve professions that conveniently explain why the person cannot meet, cannot video call, and may need money. For male personas, scammers overwhelmingly claim to be deployed military officers, engineers on oil rigs, or doctors with international organizations. For female personas, common stories include aid workers overseas, nurses deployed with NGOs, or professionals temporarily working in another country.
The U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division receives hundreds of reports monthly from people who suspect they are talking to someone impersonating a soldier (Army CID Public Advisory, 2022). These cover stories are chosen because they provide a built-in excuse for every red flag.
5. They moved the conversation off the dating app very quickly
If your online boyfriend or girlfriend pushed to move from the dating app to WhatsApp, Google Hangouts, Telegram, or text within the first few days, there is a reason. Dating platforms have fraud detection algorithms and moderation teams. Scammers want to get you onto private channels where there is no oversight, no fraud reporting button, and no record of the conversation.
6. Your online boyfriend or girlfriend knows everything about you but shares very little verifiable information about themselves
Scammers are excellent listeners. They ask about your life, your family, your hopes, your past relationships, and your financial situation. They use this information to mirror your desires and create the illusion of perfect compatibility. But when you think about what you actually know about them, the details are vague, unverifiable, or change over time.
Test: Write down five specific, verifiable facts about your online partner: their employer, the city they live in, their school, a family member's name, a friend you could contact. If you cannot verify any of these independently, that is a serious concern.
7. They asked you for money
This is the bottom line. If your online boyfriend has asked you to send money for a plane ticket to visit you, or your online girlfriend needs help with a medical emergency, a legal problem, customs fees, or any other urgent expense, this is almost certainly a scam. A person you have never met in person has no legitimate reason to ask you for money. The emotional framing, the urgency, the compelling story are all part of a script that has been tested on thousands of victims.
According to the FTC, the median individual loss in a romance scam was $4,400 in 2022. Many victims lose far more. Some lose their entire retirement savings over months or years of manipulation.
8. They asked for gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency
If your online boyfriend asked you to buy Steam, iTunes, Amazon, or Google Play gift cards and read him the codes, this is a scam. Full stop. If your online girlfriend asked you to send a Western Union wire transfer or buy Bitcoin for her, this is a scam. These payment methods are specifically chosen because they are nearly impossible to reverse or trace. No legitimate romantic partner asks for gift card codes.
9. Your online boyfriend or girlfriend introduced a "great investment opportunity"
This is the hallmark of a crypto romance scam, also known as pig butchering. Your online boyfriend or girlfriend casually mentions making money through cryptocurrency trading, then gradually guides you to a specific trading platform. The platform looks real. Your initial investment appears to grow. But the platform is entirely fake, controlled by the scam operation, and every dollar you deposit goes directly to criminals.
The FBI reported over $3.9 billion in losses to cryptocurrency investment fraud in 2023, with romance-initiated schemes representing a significant portion (FBI IC3 Annual Report, 2023).
10. There is always a crisis that prevents meeting in person
You have been talking to your online boyfriend for three months and he was supposed to visit, but his flight was cancelled, then he had a work emergency, then a family crisis. Your online girlfriend was going to fly in next weekend, but now she needs money for a visa problem. These endless postponements are not bad luck. They are a core feature of the scam. The person will never meet you because they are not who they claim to be.
11. They get defensive, angry, or cry when you ask reasonable questions
If asking your online boyfriend "can we do a video call?" results in accusations of distrust, guilt-tripping, or emotional withdrawal, that reaction is designed to train you to stop asking questions. If your online girlfriend cries and says "I thought you loved me" when you express doubt, she is using your empathy as a weapon. A genuine partner welcomes reasonable questions and provides reassuring answers.
12. Their social media profile is new, thin, or suspicious
Check when their Facebook, Instagram, or other social media was created. A real person has an account history going back years, with tagged photos from friends and family, check-ins at real locations, and natural interaction patterns. If your online boyfriend's Facebook was created six months ago with 40 friends and no tagged photos, or your online girlfriend's Instagram has only selfies with no comments from people who seem to know her, the profile was likely created for the scam.
13. They discourage you from telling friends or family about the relationship
If your online boyfriend says "let's keep this between us until I can visit" or your online girlfriend insists "your family won't understand our connection," this is a deliberate isolation tactic. Scammers know that the people who love you are the biggest threat to the scam. A friend or family member with emotional distance can see red flags that you cannot see when you are in love.
14. They send voice messages but never do live phone calls
AI voice cloning can now generate convincing voice messages from a few seconds of sample audio. If your online boyfriend sends sweet voice notes but always has an excuse for why a live call will not work, those messages may be AI-generated. If your online girlfriend's voice notes all sound perfectly clean with no background noise and consistent delivery, they may not be real. A live phone call or video call with spontaneous conversation is the only reliable voice verification.
15. Your gut is telling you something is wrong
You searched "is my online boyfriend a scammer" or "is my online girlfriend real" for a reason. That reason matters. Human intuition is not perfect, but when it comes to personal safety, it is worth listening to. If something about this relationship does not feel right despite everything seeming perfect on the surface, your subconscious may be picking up on inconsistencies that your conscious mind is rationalizing away.
What To Do Right Now
If three or more of the signs above apply to your situation, the probability that you are dealing with a scammer is high. Here is what to do:
- Do not confront them. Scammers who realize they have been detected may escalate pressure, disappear with evidence, or attempt to manipulate you further.
- Do not send any more money under any circumstances, regardless of the story.
- Do a reverse image search on their photos at images.google.com or tineye.com.
- Tell someone you trust — a friend, a family member, or the AARP Fraud Helpline at 1-877-908-3360 (free, weekdays 8am-8pm ET).
- Save all evidence — screenshots of conversations, photos they sent, transaction records.
- File a report with the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov and the FBI IC3 at ic3.gov.
- Contact your bank if you have sent money. Ask about reversing transactions.
It Happens to Smart People
A retired teacher in Florida lost $200,000 to someone she believed was a military surgeon deployed in Syria. Their daily text conversations lasted over a year. She described him as the most attentive, caring person she had ever met. He never existed.
A successful businessman in Texas sent $1.4 million to a woman he met on a dating app who introduced him to what he believed was a legitimate crypto trading platform. He watched his account balance grow to over $3 million before discovering the platform was fake and every dollar was gone.
A college professor in Ohio was contacted through Facebook by someone using a stolen identity. After six months of daily communication and multiple "video calls" that turned out to be deepfakes, she sent $85,000 for a series of fabricated emergencies.
These are not careless people. They are intelligent, successful individuals who were targeted by professional criminals running sophisticated operations. If you are questioning your online relationship, you are already ahead of where many victims were.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my online boyfriend is a scammer?
The strongest indicators are: refusal to video call, declaring love very quickly, claiming to be in the military or working overseas, asking for money or gift cards, and having a new or thin social media profile. If three or more of these apply, the risk is high. Take the free Are They Real? scam risk quiz to evaluate your specific situation.
How do I know if my online girlfriend is scamming me?
The same red flags apply regardless of gender. Watch for: refusal to meet or video call, introduction of investment or crypto opportunities, requests for money framed as emergencies, overly perfect photos that may be stolen, and discouragement from telling your friends or family about the relationship.
Can a scammer fall in love with you for real?
Professional romance scammers are typically running the same script with dozens of victims simultaneously. While the emotions you feel are real, the person on the other end is following a calculated playbook designed to extract money. The feelings they express are part of the manipulation, not genuine attachment.
Why would a scammer not ask for money right away?
Scammers invest weeks or months building emotional dependency before asking for money. The longer they wait, the more invested you become, and the more likely you are to send money when they create an "emergency." Some crypto romance scammers wait months before introducing a fake investment opportunity. Patience is a core part of their strategy.
My online boyfriend sent me flowers. Can he still be a scammer?
Yes. Some scammers send small gifts, especially early in the relationship, to build trust and create a feeling of reciprocity. A $50 flower delivery is a small investment if it leads to the victim sending thousands later. Gifts do not verify identity or intentions.
Is it a red flag if my online boyfriend or girlfriend only texts and never calls?
Yes. Someone who claims to be in a romantic relationship but only communicates through text is likely hiding their real identity. They may sound different than expected, have an accent that would reveal their real location, or be a completely different person than their photos suggest. Insist on live voice and video communication.
What should I do if I already sent money to my online boyfriend or girlfriend?
Stop sending money immediately. Contact your bank to report potential fraud. File a report at reportfraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. Call the AARP Fraud Helpline at 1-877-908-3360 for free support. Save all evidence before blocking the person.
If anything in this article describes your situation, take the free Are They Real? Scam Risk Test right now. It is a private, five-minute quiz that evaluates your online relationship against documented scam patterns. Your answers stay on your device and are never stored or shared.